Among the 350 couples I have treated, approximately 62 percent of unfaithful men met their affair partners at work. Men also are having most of their affairs with people from their workplace. From 1991 to 2000, the number of women’s work affairs increased to 50 percent. From 1982 to 1990, 38 percent of unfaithful wives in my clinical practice were involved with someone from work. Today’s woman is more sexually experienced and more likely to be working in what used to be male-dominated occupations. More women are having affairs than ever before. Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity. As these opportunities for intimate relationships increase, the boundary between platonic and romantic feelings blurs and becomes easier to cross. This is the essence of the new crisis of infidelity: Friendships, work relationships, and Internet liaisons have become the latest threat to marriages. Well-intentioned people who had not planned to stray are betraying not only their partners but also their own beliefs and moral values, provoking inner crises as well as marital ones. Eighty-two percent of the 210 unfaithful partners I’ve treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, just a friend.
The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they’ve crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love. It’s not between people who are intentionally seeking thrills, as is commonly believed. Surprisingly, the infidelity that I’m seeing these days is of a new sort. Broken promises and shattered expectations have become part of our cultural landscape, and more people who need help in dealing with them appear in my office every day. In two-thirds of the couples I’ve treated in my clinical practice over the past twenty years, either the husband, the wife, or both were unfaithful. More times than I can count, I have sat in my office and felt torn apart by the grief, rage, and remorse of the people I counsel as they try to cope with the repercussions of their infidelity or their partner’s betrayal. GOOD PEOPLE in good marriages are having affairs. You have fostered my aspirations, creativity, and individualityĪs we have matured together throughout the years. To my husband, Barry, who has been so much more than a friend. Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family, & Couples Education, CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP This book is required reading for anyone who wants to strengthen and preserve marriages-their own or anyone else’s." It’s time to wake up, smell the coffee, and understand the formula for prevention. It’s as though we-marriage educators, therapists, and counselors-are conspiring to pretend that couples in good marriages with lots of communication will be spared. If we want to help couples get smart about marriage, we also have to help them get smart about infidelity. NOT ‘Just Friends’ is destined to be the classic for helping couples preserve the love they rode in on. "This is the book we’ve all been waiting for. Schneider, M.D., Ph.D., author of Back from Betrayal Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness and Disclosing Secrets They will all learn a great deal from this wonderful and well-written book." "NOT ‘Just Friends’ includes a step-by-step plan for rebuilding the relationship, a plan, based on my research, that really works! I would highly recommend this book for couples who have been through the trauma of betrayal, for those whose relationship has ended in the aftermath of an affair, and for therapists who counsel such men and women. Rona Subotnik, marriage and family therapist and coauthor of Surviving Infidelity and Infidelity on the Internet When readers finish this insightful book they will have taken a journey of healing with someone who has their best interests at heart.
The author, with her thorough knowledge and a light touch, guides the reader through the difficulties in recovering from infidelity. This terrific book presents many new trailblazing concepts.
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